The Lord is Good!

Well it has been a while since I wrote on my blog and thought it was due time.  I have been very excited with all the changes that are taking place.  Last December Jonathan proposed to me and we set our wedding date for January 5th 2013!  It coming up quick now.  Only 25 days away.  I am super excited for what God has in store for me and the children.  The Lord has brought us through some very rough times.  Some which I would have never deamed possible.  But the Lord saw fit.  And now PRAISE THE LORD He saw fit to bring Jonathan to us.  We have been very busy getting things together as the day quickly approches.  Wow the LORD IS GOOD!

Snow White

Well tonight was interesting. We watched a movie. Abigail picked Snow White. She did good through the whole movie up until. Snow White lay poisned in the coffin. She just cried and cried. Then when Snow White awoke she brightened up and said she alive she alive. Well then she was hopeful. (I believe she was thinking Snow White came back to life, maybe daddy will too.) I talked to her about how the movie is fake its not real. People cant come back to life when they die. She started to get sad again. But I'd rather her know now instead of hoping that daddy will come back to life becasue of some fariy tale she watched. It was just hard to see her sad little face.

Penrith is getting a church

I was contacted this week by the missionary in England. (Always great to hear from them) Well when Luke and I was over there on our survey trip we were praying about working in a town called Penrith which is about 30 miles from the Scotland border. There is a community center there called Evergreen Community Center and there were park benches out front Luke and I sat on those benches and prayed that the Lord would use us in someway to start a church there. Well in a round about way the Lord used us. After Lukes accident I really began praying about the people in Penrith I could not get them off my mind and still cant. When I went over last summer to England one of the missionaries asked me to share a testimony about the accident and how the Lord was using me now. I also included in there about Penrith and how despretly those people need the gospel little did I know the Lord used that testimony and began working in a couples hearts about going to Penrith. This last week they went and secured the Evergreen Community Center to start Penrith Baptist Church! Praise the Lord. Today I just got news that the first service is going to be held in April 2011. Great news. The Lord is answering my prayers. Its hard because it is not Luke and I going to be there and starting the church but praise the Lord even though Luke is gone his name is still carried on there in England. I am hoping and praying there might be a chance I can get out there to see the church in action. Please pray with me about the possiblility of going over for another visit.

Flash Backs

Today while I was driving to pick Abigail up a tow truck pulled onto the highway with a 15 passanger van in tow. The van appeared to have been a in roll over car accident. I looked up at it with tears in my eyes remembering back to the pictures I was saw of the van Luke was in that night. This van that was in tow I have no clue how many people might have gotten hurt or what really happened but if it was an accident the people who ever they are, are probably in bad shape by the looks of the van. I remebered all the faces of the men who came out of the van Luke was in and how bruised and banged up they were. Seeing this van in tow brought back a huge wave of grief today. Pray that the Lord will use this experience to help strengthen us even more.

Snow snow snow

Last night was crazy. On the way home from church a teenager was driving in front us and was purposly making himself slide. Abigail saw him and got very scared. She started screaming and crying. Then while we were driving we slid just a little and then Andrew started in screaming and crying. Which didnt help me and made me very nervous. When we got home Abigail wouldnt stop crying she didnt let up all night long. When asked what was wrong she would tell me "mommy never leave like daddy" "I hate the snow make it go away." This went on until bed time. She fell asleep then 20 mins later she was awake screaming to make sure I was there. I would comfort her back to sleep and 20 mins later up screaming again. I finally gave up and slept at the foot of her bed. Well woke up adn put tons of blankets on her so she thought I was still holding her and never heard a peep out of her the rest of the night. Although I left her about 4:30 this morning and she woke up @ 8:30. So we got about 4 hours of good sleep. Better than none. And today has been much better. She has enjoyed looking out the window and seeing the snow on the grass.

Small Step-Big leaps

What seems lke just a little step to others in this life. I a great big leap of trusting God and holding on real tight.
He brought us down a journey that all dread to go down. But by His grace we're pressing on by jumps and leaps and bounds.
The Lord is always there with us though man may fail to see. His hand at work in our lives is a master piece you see.
Although we may stuggle day to day God's Grace is still the same. It's all suffiecent, never ending, enduring just the same.

Throns

My Sister in law had this on her blog and I just fell in love with it.

Sandra felt as low as the heels of her shoes when she pulled open the florist shop door, against a November gust of wind. Her life had been as sweet as a spring breeze and then, in the fourth month of her second pregnancy, a "minor" automobile accident stole her joy. This was Thanksgiving weed and the time she should have delievered their infant son. She grieved over their loss. Troubles had multiplied. Her huband's company "threatened" to transfer his job to a new location. Her sister had called to say that she could not come for her long awaited holiday visit. What's worse, Sandra's friend suggested that Sandra's grief was God-given path to maturity that would allow her to empathize with others who suffer. "She has no idea what I'm feeling," thought Sandra with a shudder "Thanksgiving? Thankful for what?" she wondered.. "For a careless driver whose truck was hardly scratched when he rear-ended me>? For an airbag that saved my life, but took my child's?" "Good afternoon, can I help you?" Sandra was startled by the approach of the shop clerk. "I...I need an arrangement," stammered Sandra. "For Thanksgiving? I'm convinced t hat flowers tell stories, "she continued.. "Are you looking for something that conveys 'gratitude' this Thanksgiving?" "Not exactly!" Sandra blurted out. "In the last five months, everthing that could go wrong has gone wrong." Sandra regretted her outburst, and was shocked at what the clerk said, "I have the perfect arrangement for you." Then the bell on the door rang, and the clerk greeted the new customer...."Hi, Barbara, let me get your order." She excused herslef and walked back to a small workroom, then uickly reappeared, carrying an arrangement of greanery, bows, and what appeared to be long-stemmed thrny roses. Except the ends of the rose stems were neatly snipped: there were no flowers. "Do you want these in a box?" asked the clerk. Sandra watched was this a joke? Who would want rose stems with no flowers! She waited for laughter, but neither woman laughed. "Yes, please," Barbara replied with an appreciateve smile. "You'd think after three years of getting the special, I wouln't be so moved by its significance, but I can feel it right here, all over again," she said, as she gently tapped her chest. Sandra stammered, "Ah, that lady just left with...uh...she left with no flowers!" "That's right," said the clerk. "I cut off the flowers. That's that special. I call it the Thanksgiving Throns Bouquet. Barbara came into the shop three years ago, feeling much as you do today," explained the clerk. "She thought she had very little to be thankful for. She had just lost her father; the family business was failing; her son had gotten into drugs; and she was facing major surgery. That same year I had lost my husband," continued the clerk. "For the first time in my life, I had to spend the holidays alone. I had no children, no husband, no family nearby, and too much debt to allow any travel." "So what did you do?" asked Sandra. "learned to be thankful for thorns, "answered the clerk quietly. "I've always thanked God for the good things in my life and I never questioned Him why those good things happened to me, but when the bad stuff hit, I cried out, 'Why? Why me?!?!' It took time for me to learn that the dark times are important to our faith! I have always enjoyed the 'flowers' of my life, but it took the thorns to show me the beauty of God's comfor! You know, the Bible says that God comforts us when we're afflicted, adn from His consolation we learn to comfort other." Sandra sucked in her breath, as she thought about what her friend had tried to tell her. "I guess the truth is I don't want comfort. I've lost a baby and I'm angry with God." Just then someone else walked in the shop. "Hey, Phil!" the clerk greeted teh balding rotund man. "My wife sent me in to get our usual Thankgiving arrangement...twelve thorny, long-stemmed stems!" laughed Phil as the clerk handed him a tissue wrapped arrangement from the refrigerator. "Those are for your wife?" asked Sandra incredulously. "Do you mind telling me why she wants a bouquet that looks like that?" "Four years ago, my wife and I nearly divorced," Phil replied. "After forty years, we were in a real mess, but with the Lord's grace adn guidance, we trudged through problem after problem, the Lord rescued our marriage. Jenny here (the clerk) told me she kept a vase of rose stems to remind her of what she had learned from "thorny" times. That was good enought for me. I took home some of those stems. My wife and I decided to label each one for a specific "proble" and give thanks for what that problem taught us." As Phil paid the clerk, he said to Sandra, "I highly recommened the Special!" "I don't know if I can be thankful for the thorns in my life" Sandra said to the clerk. "It's all too...fresh." "Well," the clerk replied carefully, "my experience has shown me that the thorns make the roses more precious. We treasure "God's providential care more during trouble than at any other time. Remeber that it was a crown of thorns taht Jesus wore so we might know His love...Don't resent the thorns." Tears rolled down Sandra's cks. For the first time since the accident, she lossened her grip on her resentment. "I'll take those twelve long-stemmed thorns. pease," she managed to choke out. "I hoped you would," said the clerk gently. "I'll have them ready in a minute." "Thank you. What do I owe you?" "Nothing. Nothing but a promise to allow God to heal your heart...The first year's arrangement is always on me." The clerk smiled and handed a card to Sandra. "I'll attach this card to your arrangement, but maybe you would like to read it first."
It read: "My God, I have never thanked You for my thorns. I have thanked You a thousand times for my roses, but never once for my thorns. Teach me the glory of the cross I bear; teach me the value of my thorns. Show me that I have climbed closer to You along the path of pain. Show me that, through my tears, the colors of Your rainbow look much more brilliant." Praise Him for the roses; thank Him for the throns. God Bless all of you. Be thankful for all that the Lord does for you. "Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, and leave the rest to God.." We often try to fix problems with WD-40 and Duct tape. God did it with nails.

Look A likes

Abigail came up to me today and told me "mommy, Andrewe looks like daddy. I miss him. Love him still." It amazing that she is connecting the resemblence of Andrew and Luke.

hollsanations

Abigail was so sick last week. She would go to bed with a normal temp and wake up with a hollusanation(sp) and a temp of 104. One night she woke up and began yelling at me telling me, "DADDY DIDNT DIE! HE LEFT US! DOESNT HE LOVE ME! TELL HIM TO COME BACK! I HATE THAT HES GONE!" I tried to calm her down. Get her to wake up so I could talk to her. I finally just started reminding her that daddy didnt choose to leave us God took him home to Heaven, Daddy does Love you that was the last thing he told me on the phone. And that Daddy cant come back once you go to heaven you cant come back. then all of a sudden (i didnt even know she knew some of these words) she starts yelling again "I DONT BELIEVE YOU MOMMY! DADDY LEFT! HE HATES ME! WHY HE NO LOVE ME! WHY HE NOT HERE ANYMORE! TELL HIM COME BACK I WANT HIS HUGS NOT YOURS! DADDY DIDNT DIE! HE JUST LEFT! TELL HIM COME HOME!" I started talking to her again. And Something finally clicked i dont know if she woke up some and relized what was going on or what but she crawled over to me and hugged me tight. I then asked her if she remembered that daddy was dead she said "yes mommy he died car accident, roll over." I let out the biggest sigh of relief that she did remeber.

Attitude Girl

My little princess is turning into a little I dont know what to call her. She has really begun to be disobediant. She used to listen so well and I never had to get on to her much. But now it seems every time I turn around I have to get on to her again and again about the same thing. She doesnt seem like she is learning her lesson. No matter what I try she just keeps yelling and screaming and telling me NO!! This has been the time now where I wish I had my "back up" (Luke). I am trying to find the best way to help teach her but nothing I try seems to work she turns around 2 mins later and does the exact same thing.

Osters for a visit

I had the Oster family over to visit about a week ago. I had decided to make meat-loaf the same way Luke liked it when i made it for him. It was great to remember him even while I was enjoying fellowship with the Osters.

Viewing

The viewing for little Donald is tomorrow evening. I will be there to help Norma as much as I can. I told her ahead of time that I will TRY to be there as long as she wants me to be but really cant make any promises as I am personally still dealing with grief and just the thought of seeing someone I know in a casket is driving me crazy. I am praying the Lord will give me the strength to make it though.

Donald

Friday my friends 5 year old son died. I visited the church they attend on Sunday night and had a flashback of the sunday after Lukes accident. The testimonies, the memories, the songs, the message. Oh how it all reminded me so much of that Sunday. But you know what it has been a great help for me. I am getting to help Norma in a diffrent way than anyone else has been able to because I have experience death in our family. Even though lossing a spouse and lossing a child is completly opposite. I could not imagine lossing Abigail or Andrew, Norma said she could not imagine lossing her husband. But in our so diffent losses the Lord is giving us a special bond in Him.

Visiting churches

Wow looking for just the right church can be a difficult process. There are so many diffrent churches in our area. And everyone of them is so eager to have us join. Which if a church was not eager I would be very concerned. I stoped by a church tonight and they were very sweet. Very helpful and understanding. There has been two other churches I visited and I knew people at both of them so that always helps your not walking in completly clueless. Its been a matter of Lord where do you want me and where would I fit in. Some of the churches say they would put me in the Young married class because thats where all the others my age are. But then I feel akward becasue Luke is not there with me. Another one all the young adults single, divorced, married are all in one class. (At least there I would not be the only one sitting without a mate. Then the other church I have visited all the adult young, old, married, divorced, widowed are all together. Just continueing to pray where the Lord would have us be.

Biscuts and Gravy

Wow last night I was really craving biscuts and gravy. It has been 1 1/2 years since I made them. Luke and I always had them on Saturday morning before church visitation. He enjoyed them so much. So I made the gravy the exact same way we always did. Bought the exact same biscuts. I loved the tatse of them so much. The kids also ate them all up even asked for more. We may just have to start ourselves a new tradition with buscuts and gravy who knows.

England

Just recieved an e-mail the other day from a missionary in England. He told me that when he heard about Lukes accident that he began praying for someone to surrender to go to Penrith to start a work. (Penrith is where Luke and I were going to work) When I went over to England this summer the missionary asked me to present my testimony to a bunch of preachers and missionaries. I was pretty shocked because they already have there place of ministry. But the LORD KNOWS WHAT HIS WILL IS! So i shared my testimony and this man was in the congregation. I recieved an E-mail telling me that this man feels the Lord leading him to Penrith. He said he has known for a while it took my trip to England and hearing my testimony for God to finally wake him up and tell him it time. The church he has right now is being given to a national!! praise the Lord for that!!! Some other problems have arose causing him to resign his position Sunday!!! He will be making his move to Penrith by January. Praise the Lord. He used my testimony to his GLORY!!!!! I have asked the man if when they hold their first servise there if i could be a part or a special meeting there will be holding. I dont see why that would be a problem at all. : )

school days

Well Abigail and Andrew have been attending a school so mommy can have a little space and they can again begin to trust mommy. They have the mindset that if I leave them I wont be back. It has been a battle with them on getting them to trust me again. And school has been helping. I love Abigails school! Its a nice Christian school. I have explained to them what has happened and if there is ever a big problem they call me and I will judge if I go down there or not. Unfortantly Andrew can not go to Abigails school until hes two so he is just going to a small school around the corner from our house. He seems to like it very much. But I think he keeps looking for is sister. He has become very dependent on her. So it may be good that they are in seprate schools for now. I know it has helped me a lot. I am able to go to the gym, sit down and study my Bible, pray without the interuption of mommy i need this....wahhhhhhh!!! But looking forward to the time Andrew will be able to go to the same school as Abigail. It will be much better to have them both at the same place. : ) The Lord has really been helping me with the kids in a school, finacially and the kids enjoying being there.

I hold the key

Well we closed on our house today. I am super excited about it. It will be a big step for us but a much needed step. I did though be very picky about the master bathroom. I did not want a big master bath. I also did not want two sinks and u know what the master bathroom is about the same size as the kids bathroom. The house though is wonderful. I can see the kids and I having tons of fun there. A new place to make tons of happy memories.

Abigails Birthday Party

Well we had Abigails birthday party tonight but before i talk about that lets go back to last night. Abigail kept wanting to invite daddy to her party so i decided to get a ballon and write the invite on it and then abigail wrote some on it. We went out side. (Abigail call the moon daddy moon she says it him smiling at her and the stars are kisses he left for her) We found daddy moon and she told him "daddy come to party, love u miss u" Then she sent the ballon up. We watched it go higher and higher till we could no longer see it. This morning when we got up she was so excited she told me that daddy got the ballon. I smiled at her and told her allright that so exciting. I had prayed that the moon might be visable during her party. So when the party got ready to start something told me to turn around and there in the sky was daddy moon. I just started crying cause the moon was there and how happy it would make abigail. Thank you Lord for answering a 2 year olds birthday invite. How precious it was to see Abigails face light up when she saw him in the sky. She got so excited and Said "daddy moon came to party" She kept saying this. The great thing is daddy moon stayed out the entire party. Every once in a while we would see Abigail look up at him and smile. She also had her daddy bear out there and he sat next to her while she opened present and with her while she ate her cake and ice cream. She was so happy that daddy moon and daddy bear was here for her special day.

Missing

I have been missing the physical touch from Luke. I just want to walk hand and hand with someone. I am always holding my daughters hand but it is so far from the same thing. Really really wish there was something i could do.